Since some folks have lately been reducing the serious
issues and life-changing choices in this election to political cartoons and
beer-soaked, one-liners about the President’s lack-luster performance in the first debate, I thought
I would remind you that Governor Romney is also a really funny fellow and share
with you just a few of the truly zany antics he has in store for us, should we
elect him the next President of the United States:
We all know that Mitt Romney made
his millions (the first million or so he got from Daddy) by firing thousands of
American working people, closing U.S. factories, shipping the jobs overseas,
and stashing tens of millions of his bankruptcy profits into off-shore accounts
to avoid paying taxes. The funny part is that Mitt now thinks the American people
should trust him to use this same business model to somehow (he won’t say how)
create 12 million new jobs. Heh, heh , heh! Pretty funny, right? It gets even
funnier.
Mitt Romney has a plan to cut the
deficit by adding $7 trillion to the
deficit. Mitt wants to start with a $5 trillion giveaway to the rich and then
$2 trillion in extra military spending that even the military says they don’t
need. Mitt Romney knows from history and personal
experience that the more money big corporations and super rich people take
in, the more they build factories in China, and Brazil, and then squirrel away loads
of cash in Switzerland and the Caymans.
But he is telling us that, if we
give corporations and rich people even MORE money, they will now use it to create good American
jobs and the deficits will go down, uh, somehow. If this sounds familiar, this
is the Mitt Romney, 2012, version of the same trickle down economic theory that hasn’t worked since 1980. Punch
line below…
The burden to pay for that $7
trillion in EXTRA deficit will have to be saddled on the backs of the middle
and working class because, according to the Tax Policy Institute, Mitt Romney’s
plan would give an average of $250,000 MORE in tax breaks to his rich buddies
and himself, while we will get socked with an extra $2,000/year. And now, for the joke...
In fact, Mitt’s plan would take
his own personal tax “burden” down to around 1%! Mitt Romney had been hawking
this plan for over a year yet just did a big “king’s X” at the first debate. He
didn’t deny the plan, Mitt just said that what the Tax Policy Institute
verified would happen “just would not happen.” Nothing more than, “just would
not happen.” If you are scratching your head with laughter on this one, you are
not alone.
Mitt Romney was recorded secretly
spewing his utter disdain for 47% of the American people in front of his
uber-rich donors in May of this year. In that speech Mitt totally wrote off our
troops and their families, returning vets and their families, seniors on Social
Security and Medicare, students with loans who can’t
borrow money from their folks, the disabled, and the entire working class.
We have all seen the video of Mitt Romney saying this. He came right out and
said that he has no plans to help these people at all because he considers them
moochers and “victims.” Okay, now for the funny part…
Now, just a month before the election, Mitt is getting all sincere with Fox News that he was “completely wrong” about how he has felt his whole life and suddenly wants to
serve these people too, by taking away
the government help these families desperately need to stay afloat. Hee,
hee, hee, hee! But that’s not all!
Mitt Romney also has a plan to save Social Security by handing it over
to the same gamblers on Wall Street that caused the worst economic melt-down
since the Great Depression. How’s that for a safety net? Snicker,
snicker! Are you laughing yet?
Mitt Romney wants to repeal
Obamacare, so insurance companies can go back to denying coverage for
preexisting conditions, limiting annual and lifetime coverage for illnesses,
cancelling your policy if you get sick, and spending 80% of your premiums on
CEO bonuses and golden parachutes instead of health care. Mitt knows that Obamacare is modeled after his own plan that he installed in Massachusetts and that it worked really well there. But he still wants to repeal Obamacare. I’m busting a gut!
Mitt Romney thinks that
individual states can do a much better job than the federal government to insure
the health of the 40 million people who were uninsured before but are now insured under
Obamacare and Mitt also thinks that the sates are supposed help insure the rest of us who
will be helped anyway by the Obamacare, 2014 provisions, which Mitt wants to
repeal. Even though insurance premiums and medical costs have already been
slowed way down under Obamacare, under a Mitt Romney administration, premiums
and costs will be free to skyrocket again, and the states will get the bill and
some spare change with which to try and pay it. Incredible in the truest sense of the word, as in beyond belief.
It doesn’t bother Mitt a bit that
states don’t exactly have a great track record of taking care of sick people.
If you live in one of the 45 states that are currently slashing government services
because of budget shortfalls, I’ll bet you are just laughing out loud right now
about the idea of dumping a few bucks on the states and letting them handle
your healthcare!
Mitt Romney also plans to weaken
Medicare so badly that only the most desperate of seniors and the disabled on
fixed incomes will be forced to use it and the rest of us will (without Obamacare)
again be totally at the mercy of the insurance companies. Guffaw, guffaw! You
seniors and disabled will be rolling in the isles (in your wheel chairs) when
you get socked with the extra $6,000/ in medical premiums, plus reduced
benefits. The rest of us will be snickering over the coupon that we will get
from Mitt Romney to try and buy health insurance from the same insurance
companies Mitt wants to deregulate. We will be laughing all the way to the ER!
Speaking of deregulation, Mitt, the Wit Romney also wants to repeal all those not-so-funny recent regulations
on Wall Street Bankers and Hedge-fund managers, put in place by President Obama
and the Democrats in Congress, to prevent another economic melt-down. If Mitt
has his way, his psychotic hedge fund and venture capitalist buddies can take
your money back to the track, with no capital reserves to back it up, and bet
the whole wad on Rafalca, in the third.
And when they lose, guess who gets the bill…again?
Mitt Romney has been pushing a rollicking
romp of mass deregulation for years, yet he just kind of took it back, (sort of, can’t really tell with Mitt)
at the first debate. Chuckle, chuckle! Like hide and seek! I can’t keep track of all
the reversals, modifications, “I never
said that”(s) (even when it's on video), and “that
just won’t happen”(s), but I find myself involuntarily giggling
hysterically, every time I hear a new one and wonder if the American people are
laughing, crying, or just confused as hell about what Mitt actually stands for,
if anything. Speaking of confusion…
Mitt Romney argued to let the
auto industry die, so his venture capital buddies could buy up the scraps at
bankruptcy yard sales. Even though the Big Three Auto makers are now doing
better than ever, have paid us back with interest, and 1 million jobs were
saved thanks to President Obama, Mitt still thinks that letting the U.S. auto
industry die would have been a better business
plan. He won’t explain why he still feels that way or give any credit to
the President for his bold action. Kind of funny, yes? No? Funny as in weird,
maybe?
Mitt Romney kept saying he was running for president because
the government Bureau of Labor Statistics showed that unemployment had been
over 8%, since Bush and Wall Street almost killed the economy. Now that unemployment
is under 8% (7.8%), as President
Obama’s policies are improving the economy without Mitt’s brilliant plans in
place, Mitt is ignoring the BLS figures and switching to GOP-funded figures and right-wing
conspiracy theories. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Can’t blame a comedian for changing stale material…
Mitt Romney also has a plan to
roll back the “burdensome, job-killing” environmental regulations that have
been in place since 1970, so that his rich oil/coal/gas/nuclear buddies can go
back to sinking holes in our back yards, lopping off entire mountains in our
national parks, belching toxic fumes in our air, bringing leaky antique nuclear
plants back on line, fracking our water tables with cancer-causing benzene, and drilling
oil wells in deep, dangerous waters without the technology to cap the leaks.
No more funds for boring, unmanly technologies such as wind, solar, and
bio-fuels. Whoo, ha, ha! Drill baby, drill!
Deregulation of the old-timey
energy industry will also have an unintended, but humorous long-range effect on
over population.
On the international scene, Mitt
Romney has consistently and grossly oversimplified foreign affairs to a “release of copious amounts of
testosterone," response to every crisis, real or imagined, even before all
the facts are known. Mitt appears to have no idea about an overall diplomatic
strategy, except that most of his foreign policy advisers are the same funny
bunch of Bush/Cheney clowns who got us into Afghanistan, Iraq, left thousands of
our boys and girls dead or wounded, and then left the wreckage for the next president
to clean up.
You would think that a guy who
has been running for president his whole life would have a firm grasp of
international affairs, but not Mitt! Mitt Romney talks tough about China, but
Mitt’s only concern with China in the last 20 years was about how to locate sweat
shops in depressed rural areas, so he would not have to pay for U.S. workers.
Mitt still has millions invested In Chinese cheap factory labor. What is really
funny is that he expects us to believe that he will risk all of his millions
and those of his rich political donors just to get us back the same American
jobs from China that he outsourced there. I guess this is really more of a bad-smell kind of funny, if you think
about it.
Mitt also thought it was a really
bad idea to risk a surgical strike in Pakistan to kill Osama Bin Laden. Too risky. Bush had given up as well and
Mitt never considered it a viable option. Yet Mitt Romney refused to give
President Obama any credit for having the guts to keep his promise, revive Bush’s
abandoned plans, and kill this murdering terrorist. How funny is that? Not funny
at all?
We are now quite aware that Mitt
Romney cannot speak coherently without memorized statements like the one he memorized at the first
debate, when he said he would kill Big Bird. Just this summer, we were treated
to a non-stop, slapstick, comedy of errors as Mitt managed, off the cuff, to
insult the governments and/or people of every European and Middle East country
he visited. And those were our allies! If elected our next President, we can
look forward to Mitt Romney creating all kinds of hilarious international
crises, almost every time he opens his mouth! It would be sooooo funny knowing
that our commander in Chief was just heartbeat away from stumbling and bungling
us into another regional war, or maybe even WWIII! You just can’t make up
material like this! Too funny! I am about to pee my pants! Mitt’s killing me!
J. Brandeis Sperandeo
