Walker Stapleton: Gentleman Farmer

I am sure that you all know Walker Stapleton as the recently elected, Republican, Colorado State Treasurer. Most of you know that he comes from a rich and powerful Colorado family (hence, the old Stapleton Airport, etc), and that he used millions from his family trust to buy a whole bunch of premium land and had expensive properties developed. That allowed him to call himself a “developer/businessman” instead of a trust-fund baby.

Not many of you know, but probably but most suspected, that Walker Stapleton bought the election with the money from his family and other rich “developer/businessmen” buddies. Such is life. Quit whining. Yes, we were again stupid enough to elect some rich guy who only cares about other rich guys. Duh. Our bad...again, I guess.

You may or may not know that he is still working nights and weekends spending his family’s money to develop more prime real estate into properties that none of the rest of us can afford, even as he simultaneously represents the People of the State of Colorado. Poor guy needs a second job just to make ends meet. I guess his state salary and compensation is not enough to pay for all of that prime commercial land purchasing and developing.

When the protests in Wisconsin bled over into Colorado, he was our only politician to go on TV and defend Governor Walker’s plan to balance his state's budget by busting the state employees’ unions. Stapleton wore his best Bugs Bunny, “weally sad and worried” look for the camera and told us about how our middle class state employees must share in the sacrifice, because of our billion dollar budget shortfall. He didn’t mention that we had a shortfall because his rich buddies lobbied the legislature to artificially lower corporate tax rates, give subsidies to big business and root for the Tabor Amendment, which, contrary to what any sane person would do, prevented our state from saving for a rainy day. I am assuming that at least some of you knew all or most of the above.

But, I’ll bet none of you knew, until the Denver Post printed it today, that Walker Stapleton has a third job: that of Gentleman Farmer. Yes, in Colorado alone, Farmer Stapleton owns 180 acres of primo real estate near Castle Rock, worth millions right now, which will be worth tons more, after he’s done speculating and decides to actually develop it. No, no crops are actually grown on the land. A cow or two were most certainly plopped down on the fenced property to eat the weeds for a day or two and were then removed, never to return.

But the “rent-a-cow” thingy was enough to allow Walker Stapleton to have this pre-development acreage classified as “agricultural”, and so he paid exactly $116 in property taxes last year. Last year was the same year that the lack o’ revenue intake caused us to suffer a billion dollar shortfall, this year. Farmer Stapleton also owns 6.4 acres with a cabin in Gunnison, which he “farms” as well. He paid only $1,618 in property taxes. But Farmer Stapleton is not alone. He and other rich celebrities, media moguls, politicians, land developers, tycoons, and otherwise independently wealthy individuals are doing the same thing all over our state, so that they can also be Gentleman and Lady Farmers under Colorado law and pay pennies on the dollar in taxes on prime real property. The rest of us tax payers in Colorado are quite literally giving away the farm to Walker Stapleton and other rich folks and are being forced to make up for the $336 million (and rising) shortfall thus created.

According to the official State of Colorado website, the mission of the state Treasury:

            ...is the constitutional custodian of the public's funds. It is the Treasury's duty to manage and account for the citizen's tax dollars from the time they are received until the time they are disbursed. The Treasury's staff is committed to safeguarding and managing the people's monies with the same diligence and care as they do their own….[ By continually optimizing cash flows and maximizing the return on the state's investments, Treasurer Stapleton plays an important role in helping to minimize the tax burden on Coloradans.]

Or not, if you happen to be a State Treasurer named Walker Stapleton. And the fact that he tried to hide this little scheme under his wife’s name just shows what a wascallly, wabbit, Walker, weally is. And it’s all legal. Any multi-millionaire…uh…farmer can do it! I’m soooo glad that we have Walker Stapleton as our champion of fiscal sanity!

But, seriously, what do the rest of us do? We elected the SOB and, last time I checked, the same middle class that is being asked to make up for our budget shortfall doesn’t have a fancy, high-priced lobbyist at the capitol. There is about as much chance of a politician in Denver changing the “agricultural exception” amendment as winning the lottery. And, not incidentally, how much did you pay in property taxes last year?

Add the $336 million lost to Gentleman Farmers last year, to the $300 million we needlessly donated to the obscenely rich oil companies, to the $300+ million in welfare checks for the equally rich mega-agricorps, to the $8.8 million un-earned bonus to Wal-Mart, (the world's largest retailer) and then you can plainly see why we have a $1 billion budget shortfall.

But I have a notion and it goes something like this:

I plant a garden in my back yard each year. My dog occasionally “grazes” on my grass, and my yard is completely fenced in. I think that I should apply for a zoning variance, so I can take advantage of the agricultural tax exception. And I’ll bet that most of you would qualify as well, especially, if you have a chicken, rabbit, goat, horse, pig, or other some such Hooterville-type animal on your premises. If each and every one of us applied for the agricultural tax exception, then maybe Walker Stapleton and his rich buddies would be forced to “share in the sacrifice” they keep yammering about and the exception would go back to protecting real farmers and ranchers, which is what it was intended for in the first place.

J. Brandeis Sperandeo